Restless

I am restless. This isn't a new thing. Restlessness has been a part of me starting in adolescence. This year in particular the feeling has dug deep. It has crawled deep into my bones. I wake up, I go to sleep, I pause throughout the day thinking "Am I doing enough? Am I making the most of this life which increasingly moves by at an alarmingly fast pace? What if it ends tomorrow? Will I wish I did more?"

I am so many things. I am a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, an employee, a crafter, a baker, a reader, a wanderer, a dreamer. I am all of these things, but do I fill these roles with as much passion as I can?

For too long now I have felt that I am just going through the motions in so many areas of my life. I feel like I lost that spark, that passion, that makes me live instead of exist. I want to make a concentrated effort to stop more throughout the day and take time to recharge. Even if it means waking up a bit earlier so I can stop and jot down my thoughts in a journal or read a few pages of a book.

Additionally, I want to take more risks. I want to plan the kind of travels that scare me a bit instead of going back to our tried-and-true places. I want to try new restaurants and listen to live music from bands I've never heard before. I want to set foot in cities I've never been in and drive with no destination in mind.

I'm not disillusioned-I know that the motions, the "real life", the chores will still be there. I know that we can't live life continuously pursuing the things that are exciting and new. I just know that right now, I could be more. Much more.