Unexpectedly expected answers.

"I have no doubt that he is on the autism spectrum. Are you available to meet with the social worker today? I know we've been in here a long time, but the social worker will be able to direct you to enroll him as soon as possible in a special needs preschool and start ABA therapy."

It is so weird how this thing that I have known in my heart, in my mom-gut, was suddenly A Thing. An Actual Thing. Greg and I were expecting to have to tip-toe around the question until we couldn't stand the vague non-answers from the evaluators and have to ask, yet again, "Is he autistic?"

We prepared ourselves to hear: "It's hard to determine at this time/in this facility/setting, in 2 months, take him to xyz evaluation." Just when we had given up hope on getting an answer anytime soon, it was there.

The first 2 days were disorienting. It felt like I was walking around in a haze, imagining all of the difficulties he very well might face, and wishing I could make things easier for him. At the end of the 2nd full day I had my first, and so far only, cry. It was ugly. It was absolutely what I needed to clear out of the haze and start getting things done. It was time to start learning the acronyms, researching what health insurance covers, reviewing the materials provided by the social worker, trying to narrow down a few preschools that have autism programs.

The thing is, autism is part of Cooper. While it does not define him, it IS part of him. Some of the great parts, some of the challenging are influenced by autism. While some might see the arm-flapping as an alarming "red flag!" I see it as an indication that he is really happy or excited by something. How many of us can express our happiness so openly? The challenging parts can be really difficult to deal with on a bad day, but a lot of his challenging behavior patterns make so much more sense to us now. Hopefully with parenting therapy we can learn to calm him down and reduce the stress that leads to meltdowns.

Lots of learning ahead, but feeling grateful that our feet finally hit pavement. Time to move forward.