Halfway there!

Greg and I are halfway through paying off our credit card debt!! WOOOOO!! We still have a longgg way to go, but we're getting there! Hooray for progress! Over the last few months we also paid off $1400 worth of IRS (circa 2013) surprises and didn't use any credit cards this Christmas.

Chippin' away, friends. Chippin' away. Please do yourselves a favor and never live beyond your means little by little for years until you find yourself sitting with credit card debt amounts equivalent to the price of a nice, brand new car.

Man, I miss those end of the year work surprises. That would have really sped things along this year. I am still happy with our progress and can't WAIT to be credit card debt free! After that it's the dreaded student loans. 

Things

*I tried to write about a couple specific things that happened on Christmas and no matter how I try to jot it down, it just doesn't work. It's a lot of feels and they just don't translate well to the blogosphere. It's safe to say that Christmas was difficult this year. There were just so many things that went wrong. At no point did it actually feel like Christmas. 2016 will be better.

*I have been persistently sick over the last 2 months. In November I had a 3 week long respiratory illness that just wouldn't stop. The one I'm currently dealing with has lingered over the last 8 days.  I completed the z-pack yesterday and really hope the symptoms wrap up soon. It's a little worrying to me that I went 3 years without major respiratory illnesses and have had 2 major, long episodes over the last 2 months. Several years passed without antibiotics and now I have had to take them twice within a really short period of time. Hopefully it's a fluke and not an indication of anything more serious.

*Greg and I are going on our first solo trip since I was pregnant with Cooper and I am a nervous wreck about it. The closer it gets the more I convince myself that a major catastrophe will happen and Cooper will end up an orphan. I know that sounds ridiculous, but anxiety will tell you ridiculous things. I honestly almost canceled the trip last weekend but Greg talked me out of it. We really need a break after the last year. Cooper will be in the company of his favorite people while we're gone and I know he'll have a ton of fun. Part of me still wants to cancel everything and just go back to Disney because Cooper would at least be with us on that trip. 

There is more, but I am so tired. Clearly I don't need that vacation. ;)

Accomplishments!

Things I accomplished after work today:






It was great.

Zzzzzz

This week has been insane. Monday night I was up until 2AM waiting for the results of my mom's CT scan. She was with my sister on the way to NY to be with her family after my uncle passed away. She had a health emergency requiring an unexpected hospital visit and blood pressure numbers over 200.

I had no debit card due to the stolen phone last week, so Greg had to run out and sell his PS4 to Gamestop for emergency funds in case I had to hop in a car and drive to the hospital (in PA). It was an incredibly tense, stressful 5 hours of waiting. Doctors were throwing around phrases like "bleeding behind the eyes, risk of stroke." My dad had a stroke 4 years ago, so strokes are already on the radar for my family. Thankfully she was released from the hospital around 2 and she is okay now. It's amazing what extreme stress can do to your body.

On top of that, Cooper had 2 in-home evaluations this week. The ABA one was the most laid-back evaluation he has had to-date. I have a really good feeling about his therapy and feel a lot less worried about it now.

His school evaluation was today and when they say comprehensive evaluation, they mean it. 5 people from the school came to the house for the evaluation. The speech pathologist, school psychologist, and special ed instructor evaluated him while he played with toys. An audiologist ran a hearing screening on him. The social worker asked us hundreds of questions while the other people evaluated him during playtime. We won't know what he will qualify for through the school district until the eligibility meeting in mid-January. I really hope he will qualify for speech therapy and occupational therapy so we don't have 3 therapies to pay for out of pocket, but we will cross that bridge when we get there.

I'm too tired to come up with a witty way to wrap this up.

Weekend revisited

Aww, look at how optimistic I was last weekend! This weekend looked more like:
-Stolen phone on Friday
-Shut down bank accounts Friday night due to stolen phone
-$20 in cash to last 3 people Friday-> Tuesday. No alternate source of income. We shut our credit cards down to avoid ending up back in the credit card debt situation we're currently clawing our way out of.
-Zero naps for the kid yesterday or today.
-Writing out a list of the people we need to call to tell them I am now unreachable and they need to reach Greg to confirm appointments.
-Husband in DC yesterday with his band while I handle no-nap situation.
-Husband working today while I handle no-nap situation.
-Canceled plans x2 due to no-funds fun.
-A clusterfuck of a messy house as we dragged out the remaining Christmas decorations.
Note: Why is the messy clusterfuck so stressful? Because Cooper has 2 in-home evaluations this week. On Tuesday he has the ABA evaluation and Wednesday the school evaluation.

Bring it on, week. Come to our messy house, school and ABA. I would offer you something to eat or drink, but that shit costs money.

Weekend

This weekend was super busy but wonderful. Great weather, quick visit with friends, Thanksgiving with family, looking through family photos, and helping throw a surprise 80th birthday from my Grandma Lu. It served as a great reminder that these moments-spending time with family/friends, are the ones that matter most.

Now I'm ready to crawl into bed. Kid, cooperate?

What is best?

Cooper started the intake process for ABA therapy today.

I just hope, and hope, and hope that we are doing the right thing. I worry that by putting him in ABA we are essentially forcing him to hide away the parts of his personality that make him Cooper-the things that make him unique and happy. What if they discourage stimming? Yes, he gets glances in public when he is flapping, but that's how he shows he's excited and happy. I don't want someone to take that away from him because it makes him "stand out."

Although I don't want him to have to conform or feel like he has to put on an act, I do acknowledge the fact that he needs to learn how to control certain behaviors so he doesn't struggle (as much) in school. Right now trying to get him to do anything that isn't his idea is a fight. Transitions, even to activities or places he thoroughly enjoys, always result in meltdowns. The bedtime routine is a nightly 2-hour struggle resulting in him not getting enough sleep. None of these things are conducive to him being able to function in a school atmosphere.

Greg and I decided to go ahead and see how this works for Cooper. Once we sit down with the therapist and discuss the plan of action, we will be very open and honest about our fears. Luckily, this will be in-home for the time being. If we see anything we're uncomfortable with, we will discuss and start a new mode of therapy.  I think that things will be okay as long as we remain aware and make sure they're not forcing him into being someone he's not.

One of my friends just had a baby. In typical fashion, my ovaries got twitchy and I thought back to when I was pregnant. Remember pre-kids when you think the difficult part will be the diaper changes and the sleepless nights? Man, I was naive.

100

I have a secret to share with you. A secret that isn't really a secret at all. Over the last year I've gained approximately a hundred pounds. I wish I could be one of those people that is surprised. I wish I could be someone who just doesn't know how it happened.

The truth is, I have known since day 1 what I was doing. I know that each pound was brought on by fast food,  by binge eating, by moving so little in a day. I felt each pound creep on. I felt the jeans that no longer buttoned, the chairs that once again hurt my legs, the side glances from strangers, the concerned looks from family. I lost the will to fight for myself.

A little over a year ago I was on the polar opposite side of this fight. I lost so much weight in 2014. For the first time in my adult years, I was able to ride roller coasters. I jogged a 5K. One day I looked up and realized that chasing after my kid was no longer difficult. I shopped IN the story at Old Navy. I was no longer buying plus sizes in the biggest size stores carried. The "regular" section in stores wasn't a reality yet but for the first time it was within reach.

Today I find my clothes (obviously several sizes bigger by now) ready to bust at the seams. Simple household chores leave me exhausted and with an aching back. Walking from my car to my desk at work leaves me winded. I rarely socialize because I am so embarrassed by myself. It is fucking ridiculous. I am 30 years old living like an out of shape elderly person.

So, what the hell happened? I don't know what triggered me to backslide. I know what I did to backslide, but I don't know what "snapped" in my brain. I do know I was working on a project last year when I just caved. I was converting old family movies to dvd. I don't know if something happened to me that I am mentally blocking out (I don't think so?) or if the timing was just coincidental. I know I am a food addict. I've known that for years. I just can't seem to shake it permanently.

What is my plan going forward? The plan for now is to completely eliminate fast food from our diet. Walk more. Replace unhealthy work lunches with healthy lunches. 3 things to change. Greg and I are not going to be manic/overzealous about this, but we are trying to slowly change. Something needs to.

Good things.

I promised good things! There is so much good happening.

Halloween is approaching! This season feels SO weird because we didn't decorate the exterior of the house. I feel terrible for any neighborhood kids who were excited about it (they're always so enthused and sweet about our decorations) but I wanted to switch things up this year. We are going on a camping trip over Halloween weekend. This is a trip we usually take a couple weeks before Halloween, but with it being on a Saturday this weekend we thought it would be fun to go on Halloween. We're renting a cottage/cabin at the campground and are planning on a couple days of "camping" fun.

Greg and I are planning a trip to Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg! I am sooo excited for this trip. I have never been to TN before. I am looking forward to moonshine-tasting, Dollywood-seeing, Christmas shopping, corny tourist-attraction fun. We are booking a room in the Margaritaville Island Hotel and cannot wait to just have FUN for 3 days. I am really excited to see the Smokeys for the first time!

I am setting up a Dickens Village for the first time this year! I know this is the nerdiest/old-lady thing to be excited about. However, I have been daydreaming of having my own Dept. 56 Christmas village since I was a kid. My mom built her collection over the years and I always loved seeing it set up. I have acquired a couple buildings as Christmas gifts from my parents over the last 2 Christmases. They are gifting me a 3rd building as an early Christmas gift on Thanksgiving. I am also going to pick one up while we are in a huge Christmas store in Pigeon Forge. Now to just figure out a way to display!

Cooper has his first eval with his future preschool/elementary school this week! I am pretty happy with how quickly they responded and am looking forward to getting things moving. Somewhat related, I found a group of moms who DON'T seem to have off-the-wall thinking, aren't only interested in "curing" their children, and have given me a ton of practical advice. This is harder to find than anticipated. Internet.

I also found a local community group which posts a ton of ASD friendly events, workshops, etc. I am really looking forward to getting more involved in this group.

So, there ya have it. Plenty of good happening.

Nights

Nights. Are. So. Difficult.

Unexpectedly expected answers.

"I have no doubt that he is on the autism spectrum. Are you available to meet with the social worker today? I know we've been in here a long time, but the social worker will be able to direct you to enroll him as soon as possible in a special needs preschool and start ABA therapy."

It is so weird how this thing that I have known in my heart, in my mom-gut, was suddenly A Thing. An Actual Thing. Greg and I were expecting to have to tip-toe around the question until we couldn't stand the vague non-answers from the evaluators and have to ask, yet again, "Is he autistic?"

We prepared ourselves to hear: "It's hard to determine at this time/in this facility/setting, in 2 months, take him to xyz evaluation." Just when we had given up hope on getting an answer anytime soon, it was there.

The first 2 days were disorienting. It felt like I was walking around in a haze, imagining all of the difficulties he very well might face, and wishing I could make things easier for him. At the end of the 2nd full day I had my first, and so far only, cry. It was ugly. It was absolutely what I needed to clear out of the haze and start getting things done. It was time to start learning the acronyms, researching what health insurance covers, reviewing the materials provided by the social worker, trying to narrow down a few preschools that have autism programs.

The thing is, autism is part of Cooper. While it does not define him, it IS part of him. Some of the great parts, some of the challenging are influenced by autism. While some might see the arm-flapping as an alarming "red flag!" I see it as an indication that he is really happy or excited by something. How many of us can express our happiness so openly? The challenging parts can be really difficult to deal with on a bad day, but a lot of his challenging behavior patterns make so much more sense to us now. Hopefully with parenting therapy we can learn to calm him down and reduce the stress that leads to meltdowns.

Lots of learning ahead, but feeling grateful that our feet finally hit pavement. Time to move forward.

Waiting.

I was trying to get Cooper to look at me this morning when I was explaining something to him. He kept refusing to look at me. I was about to give the "look at me when I'm talking to you or [insert consequence here]" reasoning to him but then it hit me. What if he gets really uncomfortable looking at someone when they're talking to him if he's autistic?

Sure, maybe it's just him being stubborn and deciding he doesn't want to look at someone, but what if I was about to get irritated over something he has no control over?

I don't know what kind of road is in front of us. I do know that I am one hundred percent burnt out on waiting. Most days are okay, but some days it feels impossible to wait another day for another evaluation that will very likely leave us with no more answers than we walked in with. The same routine we've been participating in since he was 18 months old.

We hear, "I get this feeling that something is off but I can't quite put my finger on it" from his doctors. Do you know how frustrating that is to hear as a parent? It's basically saying, "Your son might need help but we don't have enough information to actually get him the help he might need. Instead, book this appointment that will take 3 months to get into. Maybe they can help."

Most days tick by and we know that it doesn't matter if it takes a couple more months for an answer. He is our son, we will love him regardless, and he will absolutely get whatever help is available IF he is autistic. Days like today, where he spent an hour and 15 minutes sorting his colored pencils one by one, dumping them out, and doing it all over again are frustrating. His sorting and flapping and "red flags" aren't frustrating. It's the constant worry that we're not doing everything in our power to give him the tools he needs.

Today is hard. Tomorrow will be okay.

Calm in the craziness

Whew. I forgot how insanely stressed I was last time I updated this thing. Things were stressful on the parenting front for a few months. From what I've heard, this is a pretty common thing for just-turned-3-year-olds. Add on Cooper's frustrations from his speech delay and it kind of collided into this mess of stress.

Like all things parenting related, things evened out. We got through it. I need to remember that going forward.

Things are still pretty chaotic in our house right now. Greg very unexpectedly lost his job last month. We are extremely lucky because he was re-employed almost immediately. However, there is still a gap between paychecks we're currently scrambling against. His new job pays significantly less and I have to insure all 3 of us now. My employer's health insurance rate just skyrocketed. Money is tight, it sucks, but we will get through it like we always do.

Cooper is still struggling with sleep anxiety. The going-to-bed routine on average lasts 2 hours. It is daunting, but at this point it is so expected that it isn't as overwhelming as it was. On those rare nights he falls asleep instead of crying/talking/shouting forever, it is bliss.

Cooper's appointment with the developmental specialist is finally only a couple weeks away. It is just an intake appointment so we won't have "answers" but to finally be closer to another step forward is a relief.

So, rambling aside. Things are kind of crazy but for once it doesn't feel impossible. I have my family, we have our imperfections, but we move forward.

Real talk.

Turn away if you are not ready for some honesty. 3 is tough. It is such a bipolar age. The tough part of it came on so suddenly, right in the midst of me feeling like I was rocking the mom thing (about a month before he officially turned 3). 

3 reminds me of those newborn moments where I felt like I was in the impossible, nerves on edge, jumping at loud noises because my anxiety was sky high from all the screaming.

3 is amazing. It is play-do, nursery rhymes, laughing at fart jokes. It is a lit-up face when he hears we're going to the children's museum. It is him pretending to read, pointing to words on the page and trying SO hard to figure it all out.

3 is defiance, rage,  and compromise. It is sleep anxiety. It is constant assertion that everything must be done his way. It is seemingly endless tantrums even when things DO go his way. It is feet-kicking, red-faced, wailing insanity at times. 

3 is creative. It is putting a paintbrush to paper without worrying about the final outcome. It is wanting to color all the time. It is singing, and the occasional head-bop to a song. 3 is love. It's how excited he gets when he gets to see the people he loves. It's him saying "I luh you too, ma." It's reading in forts and always wanting to use a flashlight and binoculars.

I know this is all part of the process. I know the capabilities to deal with emotions aren't immediate. They take time. Hell, I'm not sure I'm one to talk on that front. We will get through this, even if both of us end up crying on the floor some days. 

Good things!

My mind has been tending to drift towards the negative (more than usual!) as of late, so I thought I would take some time to jot down the good things that happened today:

I was leaning out the door saying goodbye to Cooper and Greg this morning. I said "Goodbye, Cooper! I love you!" and he turned around and smiled at me and said "I luh you, ma!" He's been saying "I love you" back for a month or so now, and I don't think it will ever get old.

First full week that my work schedule is back to normal!! There are not enough exclamation points for this. I never realize how much goodness comes from a more or less regular schedule until it is thrown off.

I decided to stop decorating outside for Halloween. I know this sounds like a bad thing, but honestly, I am pretty relieved about it. There is definitely a bit of sadness about not having a crazy yard, but I am so looking forward to not being tied down to my house on Halloween (to hand out candy) for the first time in the last 5 years. I am thinking a Halloween camping trip will be in the works! Also, less clutter and less money spent.

My house has been clean for a few days in a row! Okay, so you still need to close your eyes and pretend the nerd room and my craft room are clean, but the rest of the house has actually stayed clean!

Take that, Monday blues!

Clutter

I am having a really difficult time managing the clutter that is involved with crafting. I have been leaning very heavily towards getting out of the business side of things, and much of that is due to the clutter.

I don't want 20 rolls of vinyl hanging from my wall, a printer that's the size of a microwave, huge craft machines, thousands of plastic bags (for craft fairs), 40 bubble mailer envelopes, boxes, stacks and stacks of paper taking up space in my home. The problem is that I truly love to craft and create. I love that I can make all of Cooper's decorations for his birthday party. I love that I just made Greg a shirt to wear tomorrow. I guess I have to find that balance and figure out if all of the clutter is worth it.

This is the same problem I ran into last year with Halloween. The magnitude, both financial and physical storage strain of being an overly enthusiastic Halloween decorator hit me like a ton of bricks the night of Halloween. I wondered if it was worth it. My decorations sat outside on the back patio for months.

I'm wavering in terms of whether or not either one of those ventures are right for me anymore. I have no regrets about trying the business side of the craft world, but I just don't see it working out. Even if financial success does start to emerge from it, I just don't see how the time away from my family or the complete chaos that a craft business entails is worth the financial gain.

Oh, and Halloween? Even if my yard isn't decked out I will absolutely continue to celebrate the season. There are still pumpkin patches, apple orchards, haunted houses (maybe not mine!), Halloween camping, and so many other ways to celebrate it. I just feel like both crafting and Halloween cultivate a constant sense of "need to buy more things." It's something I am trying desperately to get away from. I want to experience more, not acquire more.

3 years.

In just over 2 weeks I'll have a 3 year old. Just like last year, birthdays are tough. It's really difficult knowing I want another and knowing that's never going to happen. It's difficult not having the person closest to me be on the same page to empathize with and to understand what I am going through (and yes, he knows I'm writing this...there is no bus-throwing or secrecy going on).

I wish it was easier, but I'm not blind. I know how lucky I am to have such a wonderful kid. While it is sad (at times, enough to feel like the wind has been knocked out of me) to know that I'll never get to experience this again, maybe it's just a way to reinforce to look closer, to appreciate all of the little moments and milestones. It's so cliche but it really does go by too quickly.

Doubts

I just wrote 3 separate blog posts and deleted them all.

The bottom line is that I just need to sell/donate/trash most of our belongings, buy a camper and just jet out of here.

Seriously, though...do you ever wonder if you're doing this whole life thing right? Like you're constantly making an effort not to fall into a trap of the "must acquire *things*" then you look around and see *things*? You wonder "*things* where the fuck did you come from? Are you why I'm broke?"

And then you look down at your morbidly-fat-again body and realize that most of your money probably went to food that is terrible for you.

I really thought I'd have more figured out by 30, y'know?

I was only half joking about the camper. Fucking tiny house blogs and your amazing looking adventures.

Watercolors

Watercolor therapy tonight, complete with Spotify tunes.

It's actually happening.

I think it finally hit me when I saw a little assembly line of finished products. I'm actually doing this!



There's something about seeing the finished product that makes staying up until 2AM worth it.

Time to get things rolling!

Yesterday officially kicked off the Halloween 2015 prep! I spent a bit of time in the shed organizing (AKA, standing on a ladder, shoving all of my faux-"boards" for the windows into the rafters in the shed). Things are looking as nice as they can for an old work shop:

After that was done I did a trial run of sand casting using a can of Great Stuff. It worked out pretty well! I will use the foam skulls for a "wall of skulls" I'm creating to cover the stair railings on the front porch. I learned a few lessons for the next batch and can't wait to see what the final product looks like.

It was too cold yesterday to stay outside for long, but it feels great to officially kick things off.

Go.

I just want to go alllll of the places.

Who's paying?

I blame this post on Netflix travel documentaries, my frequent visits to RVTrader, and the weekly Top 20 email from Travelzoo.

2 years!

Greg and I crossed our 2 year homeowner-iversary yesterday!

We celebrated 2 years of holidays here.



Cooper turned 1, then 2, and soon will turn 3 here.

In this house he went from cuddly, crawling little guy:

To first-steps taking, full of energy toddler:

I really can't believe it has been 2 years. It doesn't feel long ago that we were sitting in an office signing a heap of papers, anxiously waiting to be handed a pair of keys. 

My parents watched Cooper the night we closed. Greg and I set up an air mattress and camped out in the living room. I remember that even with the keys it felt like we were trespassing in a stranger's house.

That feeling is long gone. The house has felt "ours" for a long time now. We have worn it in just right. We feel grateful that we still love it here and that it still feels right for our family (and that the principal on our mortgage has decreased ever so slightly).

The house has seen quite a few changes since we have been here, but as always there are things we would like to improve.

Maintenance:
*Get the house inspected for termite damage. We have failed to do this the last 2 years. It was a really rainy spring last year so we need to get this done.
*Call someone to inspect the cracks in the plaster. There was a crack in the plaster along our ceiling when we moved in. It was inspected and they said it was okay, just cosmetic. The crack has grown. I'm sure that it's just from the freezing winter we had, but better to be safe and make sure nothing is wrong with any of the support beams.
*Replace caulk around tub.

The cosmetic stuff:
*Install light above sink in kitchen. Our kitchen reno was mostly finished a year ago, yet we still haven't managed to do this.
*Install leftover flooring in laundry room
*Re-paint front door & buy/install new door hardware
*Replace number signage on mailbox
*Replace closet sliding doors
*Paint interior doors white

Outside:
*Remove recycle bin plants from fence
*Stain privacy fence off patio
*Remove awning from shed
*Yardwork (remove sticks, trim hedges, weed-eat area around fence)

There is always a to-do list for a house, but (so far) it has been worth it. I am looking forward to building more memories in this little house.

Walt Disney World with a 2 year old!

During the planning phase of a Disney trip with toddler I found myself thinking "This could be great! Or, this will fail miserably and I might need to frequent the drink stands in EPCOT." Spoiler alert: this trip was amazing.

Before leaving I read several forum posts with helpful tips regarding traveling to Walt Disney World with a toddler. This was my 8th trip to WDW but first as a parent. It was also my first time staying on property. Those 2 factors made an 8th trip feel like the first. I want to share what worked, what didn't, and what I wish I had done differently.

Before you go

Familiarize him/her with what to expect: A couple months out I started showing Cooper the planning DVD and YouTube clips of kids meeting characters. Characters are so much bigger in person compared to what kids are used to seeing on TV, so I didn't want him to be frightened. We also let him flip through the planning book my mom bought me for Christmas. He started to absorb it and would talk about going to "Mickey's Castle."





Carefully consider lodging: Pre-kid days, my husband and I were at the parks from open until close so lodging wasn't a huge concern. This trip was different because I knew we would be spending considerably more time in the room. Think about your budget, your family, and amenities that are important to you. Be realistic about what you'll be happy with. After narrowing down what was important to us (proximity to the parks, separate bedroom from the living area, within our budget, room for Cooper to run) We booked a cabin at the Fort Wilderness Campground:

I will do a full review later but it is safe to say that we loved the cabin and the campground! There were several times where I thought about how much less enjoyable the trip would have been if we weren't happy with the lodging. Our toddler (and the adults!) couldn't handle the full park days, so we were all relieved to have a place that we loved going back to.

Packing: I took the time to organize while packing for the trip. I used the "Ziploc bag method" for each morning and also had a Ziploc bag for the diaper bag for each day. The morning bags had a shirt, pants, socks, and diaper. The diaper bags had long sleeve shirt (in case it got cold at night), short sleeve shirt, shorts, and enough diapers to last the duration of the park day. Other necessities (wipes, bandaids, etc.) stayed in the diaper bag and I just added the appropriate day's Ziploc bag to the diaper bag each day. Taking ten extra minutes while packing saved a lot of morning stress. Just pull the appropriate bag out and avoid digging for tiny socks and stray diapers. Pull the appropriate Ziploc out for the diaper bag and you don't have to worry about forgetting things.



Road trip: We opted to drive this trip. To help the 12 hour (each way) drive go by a little quicker, we put together a surprise bag from Mickey Mouse that held new toys (woo clearance!), sunglasses, and a few DVD's.

The rental vehicle had a DVD player which captured Cooper's attention. We don't have these in our cars so it was new to him:

He had a blast playing with the new toys too. Aside from that, we let him run around at almost every stop and changed diapers frequently to avoid diaper rash.

Prep your stroller: It's no surprise that strollers are everywhere in Walt Disney World. You frequently have to leave the stroller with a cast member who then parks it among a mass of other strollers. You're then left to try and find it in the designated "stroller parking" area. Wrapping the handlebar of the stroller in bright red Mickey ribbon helped us easily identify our black stroller among the dozens of other black strollers. I also tied a small bike light (which flashed) to the handlebar so we could easily find it at night. This takes less than 5 minutes and alleviates a lot of stress. We added a "Mommy Hook" to the stroller to help hold extra bags.

Park strategies

All aboard!: Strollers need to be packed up on Walt Disney World buses, boats, trams, and the train. We found it was easier to pack it up before we were standing in line. You are less likely to hold others up too if you pack everything up and then stand in line. Another note on trams: after a couple days we realized that several times it's quicker to just walk from where you parked to the gate instead of trying to haul your stroller, kid, and travel party onto a tram. This isn't always the case so eyeball the gate area from where you are parked. 

FastPass+: Walt Disney World now uses a FastPass+ system. You can read more about it on their website. We saved a lot of wait-time in the parks by reserving our FastPasses ahead of time. Cooper still doesn't fully comprehend waiting. Using the FP+ system meant less waiting in long lines. That is invaluable when you have a toddler with you. I noticed that there were usually lines for the FastPass+ kiosks in the park. If you are able to, manage your FP+ through the MyDisneyExperience app and avoid the crowds around the kiosks. If you don't feel like carrying your phone around, just plan out your FP+ ahead of time and jot the times down on a sheet of paper.

Rider Switch: When your little one is too short for a ride, you can use Disney's Rider Switch. When you approach the queue, tell the cast member that you want to use rider switch. You are then handed a ticket or badge. 1 adult from your party waits outside of the ride queue with the child while the other individual(s) wait in the regular line. Once the individual(s) in line ride the ride, you then switch with the person who rode the ride. The person who was originally waiting with the child gets to go through the FastPass queue and skip the regular line. This means both groups don't have to wait the full amount of time. We loved the Rider Switch and used it on several of the major attractions! Not all rides offer this, so check the website (or ask) to see which ones do.

Bring a favorite stuffed animal/blanket: I went back and forth on this one but decided to bring along "bear bear" and "blanket 1" with us in the parks. I just kept a close eye on them to make sure they weren't dropped. Disney can be overstimulating for anyone. Having that security item for Cooper really helped calm him down when things were stressful for him.

Snacks: Bring along favorite snacks. It can be hard to find something of the non-ice cream variety when you're walking around. Also, I'd rather not spend $8 on a snack he might not even eat.

Ask for a cup of ice to keep milk/perishables cold: Full credit to my mom for this one! Cooper randomly fell asleep right before we ate lunch. We didn't want to waste all of the $ spent on lunch. Usually we would just grab water for him but the water in the fountains at Disney is disgusting. At my mom's suggestion we ended up saving the unused milk by covering it in ice chips in a large cup. It was still ice cold an hour later.

Let them explore: It's easy to keep your kid in a stroller in such a crowded place, but make sure you let them out to explore the parks by foot too. I would find little nooks and crannies of the park to let Cooper run around and let off steam. At 2 years old, even the landscaping is interesting to them.

Look for play areas: Most of the parks have little play areas for kids. I wasn't even aware of this until I was planning this trip. Look into it ahead of time so you know what to look for in the parks. Cooper especially loved the "Honey I Shrunk the Kids" play area in Hollywood Studios and the tiny forest area with a slide near Splash Mountain:

Keep the conversation rolling: Talking a lot about the surroundings helped calm Cooper down sometimes. It is easy to get lost in your own little world while at Disney World, so if you notice your toddler starts getting grumpy, try engaging them with specific questions. Cooper would get irritated with broad statements like "Isn't this fun? What do you think?" but did really well with more concrete observations. "Do you see the spinning sign? What color is this cup?" etc. Similarly, it helps to give concrete examples of what you are doing next. If your kid is having a ton of fun on something, they likely won't be happy when you try to take them away from it. We started giving clear directions when we were taking him away from something fun. "I know you're sad to leave the play area, but now we are going to a Mickey Mouse show!" worked much better than "I know you're sad to leave the play area, but there are so many more fun things we are headed to today!"

Rest: Listen to your kid's cues, your travel party's cues, and your own cues. As much as I love it, Disney World is absolutely exhausting. Don't push yourself too far. If your little one won't sleep in a stroller, try to head back to your hotel to let them rest. You know your kid the best but I know with mine, everyone would be miserable if he went a week in an exhausting place without a nap. Adults need the rest too. The walking and the heat can lead to exhaustion. We did several half-days to be able to enjoy the 5 park days.

Invite the grandparents!: This might not work for everyone's families, but I am so glad we invited the grandparents. My mom-in-law was with us for the whole trip and my parents met up with us for the first day in Magic Kingdom. I am so glad that they were there to see Cooper's reactions. Even though his face doesn't reflect it here, Cooper was very glad too.

Check out your resort: Most people traveling to Disney with toddlers won't be in the parks full-time. Use this downtime to check out your resort! We went swimming several times, rode around on the golf cart, watched the fireworks from the beach, etc. I doubt my husband and I would have made the time to do this previously but I am so glad we had the downtime and were able to check out the fun amenities.

When things aren't so magical

Schedule? Pssh: Although I am not obsessive about keeping Cooper on a strict schedule, I was still surprised to see how much his sleep routine changed during vacation. Suddenly my 8PM sleeper was falling asleep at 11. I'm sure his schedule could have been maintained, but stuff tends to pop up on vacation. I was more focused on being flexible and having fun instead of having his head hit the pillow at the same time every night. This really wasn't a big deal in the long run, but it did make me wish I wouldn't have scheduled early fast passes every day. I ended up switching our fast passes mid-week so that we could all sleep in 1 day.

Weather: We lucked out with weather, but the mid-upper 80's weather was still a bit of a shock from our 18-degree temps we left. Cooper broke out in a heat rash and was a little grumpier than normal because of the heat. Next time I would pack a stroller fan.

Bags: Disney with a diaper bag was new to me. As I used to go to Disney with just an ID and debit card, I kept forgetting that you have to stand in line for bag inspections at the front of the park. Just keep that in mind and have your bag opened to keep the line moving quickly.

Sun: FL weather is unpredictable. Don't trust an overcast morning. Always bring the sunscreen even when the day starts off looking miserable outside.

One of these things is not like the other: Just because something worked one day doesn't mean it will work the other. The road trip down? Amazingly easy. The road trip home? Stomach bug-ish hell. The first couple days? Cooper refused to sleep in the stroller. The last few days? He fell asleep without us even trying. Things change-sometimes for the better, other times not so much. Try to roll with the punches and focus on the better parts of your vacation. There were several toddler meltdowns but the happier moments more than made up for it.

Overall, we had an excellent time at Walt Disney World with a 2 year old. Like any other vacations there were challenges, but I hold 0 regrets for bringing Cooper at this age. There really is no other place like it. 

Halloween 2014: what worked

I'm not going to try and hide the fact that Halloween 2015 is brewing a bit in my mind. Right now the daydream space of my brain is primarily focused on the Disney trip, but thoughts of the display for this year are starting to creep in.

Halloween 2014 was a success overall. I mostly see things that need to be fixed when I look back at the pictures, but 2014 was a pretty significant improvement from 2013. What's important to me is to continue to improve from the year before (as long as my heart is still in it) and to learn new creative/technical skills along the way. 

Before jumping into the things that need improvement in a future post, I am going to review the things that went over really well:

The projector: The number 1 compliment from the trick or treaters. They LOVED the projected image of the ghost in the window. One kid mentioned how she made her parents stop every time they drove by the house to watch the ghost. Cooper also loved "goap" (ghost) and waved to her every night. It was impossible to photograph, but you can see a vague ghost-like shape in the window in this picture:

Mod-podged pumpkin stick dude: This was a very last-minute project. I saw a tutorial on Halloween Forums describing how to transform a regular foam pumpkin into a creepy one. I was so happy with the results that I ended up giving him a scarecrow like body. Or, as Greg put it, "turned him into a Blair-Witch looking motherf*cker." This dude had such a big visual impact that I plan on decapitating him, replacing the head with a larger foam pumpkin and making a few friends for him for 2015.

Spider egg sacs: These were fantastically easy and cheap to make. I made a dozen or so of them one night sitting on my couch with a hot glue gun while watching Netflix. I was worried they would blend in when they were hanging from the tree, but they were really noticeable and creepy.

Foam "boarded" windows: These were personally my favorite part of the display this year. They completely altered the look of the house in the daylight and looked pretty cool against the lights at night. Disclaimer: these were absolutely a pain in the ass to make. I am going to post a tutorial later (I took dozens of pictures of the process). I really do think they were worth the effort, but I am not a blogger who lies about things being "easy peasy."

Hiya, Pal! Now go to sleep.

Apparently I am insane and don't value sleep. This did make Greg do a huge "d'awwwww" so it's worth it.

One thing to check off of the giant Disney-crafting list.

We are printing this off and tucking it into a roadtrip bag with a few toys we have picked up on clearance over the last few months, a few portable art supplies, and snacks. Hopefully it will keep him entertained for a bit and will be a fun memory to look back on.

The flip side

I was leaving the Dollar Tree today when a "NO KROG!!" battle-cry sounded from the carseat in the back.

"Sorry, buddy-we need to go to Kroger to get groceries for dinner. Da is at work. We don't have a choice."

"NO...KROG! Go HOME!"

My gut sinks. I know this is going to be bad. I check my face for scratch marks. Who the hell knew that a bribe balloon could be used as a weapon? I fielded several stares in the store as I frantically picked up the items we needed while my 2 year old beat the shit out of my face with a balloon.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" proclaims the Mickey Mylar. Cooper's birthday was in June.

I thought I would be clever in Kroger and use a threatening tactic once reasoning, ignoring the bad behaviors, and praising the good behaviors didn't work.

"Hey Coop?" I asked as I got him out of the car. "You have to behave in Kroger, or else Mickey balloon will fly away."

Of course the threat didn't work. He made it well known that he was not happy to be grocery shopping. We walked out of Kroger. Cooper clutched a vial of sprinkles (which I didn't plan on buying) victoriously in his little fist, and grabbed his Mickey balloon (which didn't fly away after all) as soon as we got in the car.

As I was climbing into the car I saw a frazzled looking mom of a kid roughly the same age as Cooper trying to reason with her daughter who clearly held the same feelings on Kroger. At least I wasn't alone.

Greg got home from work, looked at the balloon and asked "Happy Birthday?" I nodded solemnly and said "yes, please wish our son's tantrum a very happy birthday."

There are days when I lose several of the toddler battle-of-wills. This was one of them. I think what's ultimately important is still finding the humor in it. Plus, these sprinkles are damn delicious.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Greg's new schedule started today! There are not enough exclamation points for this. In terms of schedules, his old one could have been worse but it was not a good fit for our family.

He used to work Mon, Tue, Friday, and Saturday from 9AM-8PM. His commute takes between 30-40 minutes, so without stopping for anything he typically got home a little shy of 9PM.  Cooper's bedtime is around 7:30 so this meant that 4 days a week he barely spent time with Cooper.

This also equated to me spending 4 nights a week making 2 dinners and cramming in all of the kid-care by myself in a very hectic post-work small time block. By the time Greg and I sat down for dinner it was already 9:30.

Weekends have also been pretty uneventful for the duration of his last schedule. He was only able to go on a full weekend camping trip once last year. The rest of the trips I took with my parents. We only went to the drive-in once or twice. I stopped going to the farmer's market because Cooper was so active that it was  impossible to juggle him while trying to shop. Those places aren't always the stroller-friendliest. It also made me realize how many family events take place on Saturdays instead of Sundays.

His new schedule is much better. Sun-Thur from 9:30AM-6:30PM. He will be home every night for dinner! We can try the whole "eating at the dinner table" thing. We can have nightly story times again. I already set up a category in our budget for camping because we are planning on doing much more camping this year. I will greatly miss our lazy Sundays together, but the extra family time is going to be great.

Cooper and I had a conversation with short phrases (most of which are lost in translation but enough leftovers to pick up on) during the drive home from work. It's our routine now. We use the 30 minute drive to bargain, edit, and finalize our plans for when we get home.

Popcorn was the snack we settled on, "Baby Genius" the show he would be allowed to watch while I cooked his dinner, and "play with coins" (his faux cash register) the toy he wanted to play with.

After arriving home I got him out of the car and accidentally bumped his head. He rubbed his head and said "Ma drive da's car...Coop bump head!" He walked alongside me up the stairs, counting each one out loud as I held his hand. It was pitch black outside with the exception of his light-up shoes casting strobe lights up the stairs.

During dinner, he fed himself mac and cheese (the height of toddlerhood culinary endeavors) with a fork. I almost burst into tears. It was an imperfect, yet very determined bite.

Parenthood feels so very...right at the moment. I love our little family, and everything feels as it was meant to be. We are far from perfect. There are so many aspects of parenthood that make me feel inadequate. That is why I take these moments-the garishly lit up stairs from Cooper's cheap shoes, the bathroom acoustics of his rendition of "Farmer in the Dell," his little hand clutching the fork and the way he threw the fork up in victory-and store them away as the things that matter most. 

It happened.

It happened. I was leaving dinner with Greg this evening (hooray for Christmas gift cards and date night!) when I looked up and thought, "that fence would make a really cool cemetery fence-I wonder if I could build that."

I guess it's good I didn't sell/donate all of the Halloween decorations. 

YNAB

I drank the YNAB koolaid. I have read several tutorials, browsed the forums, and feel like I'm starting to "get it." I was flabbergasted at first. My initial reaction was, what do you mean I don't budget for the month with the money I'm going to have? I can only budget the money that is currently in the account?

After reading through some of the information it started to click. You don't budget ahead with money that's not there because it is not guaranteed. By budgeting what you have, you're protecting yourself from overdraft.

Another thing that really stuck with me is the importance of establishing a rainy day fund. We have such terrible credit card debt that my initial reaction is always "ATTACK THE DEBT!" After reading up on it, it became abundantly clear how important it is to have funds set aside for both planned events (property taxes, insurance, etc.)  as well as unplanned (house repairs, etc.) That way we won't be reaching for our credit cards and dig ourselves deeper into debt. This feels like one of those moments that's so obvious but we have inadvertently handled the wrong way our entire adult lives.

Greg and I have a scary, long road ahead of us in terms of achieving financial stability. I know it will be a long road and we won't reach a "buffer" for quite some time, but for the first time in several years I feel like it's doable. I really feel like this is going to change our relationship with money. Hooray!

Debt vs. wanderlust

I have encountered a fair share of financial crises this year. The hard part to swallow is that most of these situations would have been avoided completely or handled with much less panic if Greg and I didn't have such horrendous spending habits.

Neither of us make a lot of money, but we both work full time. We have a small, modest house which means a very reasonable mortgage payment. Our mortgage payment is actually less than the current rent rate of our first (500 sq. ft., one bedroom) apartment. Small house + central air/heat equal pretty modest utility bills. Cooper has family daycare, so that is a huge expense saved. We don't have cable, we have basic internet, and we downgraded our phones to pay-as-you-go phones several months ago.

My point is-the reason we are so over our heads with our finances isn't because of necessities. It's from making terrible decisions. It is from spending too much money on dining out, on buying unnecessary things, and taking too many damn trips to Target.

Have I mentioned that we don't even have a budget set up? At nearly-30, that is incredibly embarrassing. I bit the bullet and bought YNAB (You Need a Budget) last week. It felt a bit wrong spending $ on something that helps with saving money, but at 75% off with great reviews, it seemed worth it.

So far it has been great. I am working on finalizing the budget and Greg and I are going to have weekly "meetings" about our budget, where we go over our receipts/spending habits, etc. Is this what being an adult feels like?

Okay, one problem with all of this. Before we got serious about the budget, we started planning a trip to Walt Disney World. As in, we put deposits down, asked (and received) Disney gift cards for Christmas, etc. The trip is almost paid for and the gift cards are non-refundable, so we are going to go ahead with the trip. I am going to try to spend as little as possible while we are there.

Ways we have saved/are planning to save on the trip to Disney:
*Cooper's park admission is free because he will be under 3.
*We are bringing his stroller so we won't have to pay to rent one.
*We are driving instead of flying.
*We are getting a huge corporate discount on a rental car through Greg's work.
*I have saved up enough Swagbucks to redeem gas gift cards to help pay for the gas.
*We are staying in a cabin at Disney's Fort Wilderness. Their cabins include a full kitchen. I am making freezer breakfast burritos, english muffin sandwiches, and pancakes to freeze (brought down in a cooler) for easy, cheap breakfasts so we don't have to eat breakfast in the park. I am also bringing a crockpot to throw dinner in before we leave for the parks in the morning. It will be ready when we get back that night. You are allowed to bring snacks in the park so we will be bringing those as well. Ideally, we will only need to eat 1 meal/day in the parks.
*I am making our own t-shirts for the trip so I won't be tempted to buy Cooper clothes while we are there. I have bought a few shirts for $1.50 on clearance and have all the other materials on-hand to make his shirts.
*We will bring our own alcohol for the cabin. I doubt we will end up drinking much (Disney is seriously exhausting) but if the mood strikes, we will have drinks at the cabin instead of paying a ton in the parks.

Hopefully all of the above will help cut down on vacation costs. Greg and I agreed that this will be the last big vacation until our financial situation is more stable.  Being a grownup is hard, isn't it?

I can't do it.

I can't do it. I really can't do it. I am unable to maintain a blog that focuses on one thing. My brain has such manic, obsessive tendencies that make blogging about one specialty impossible.

Remember that time I had a food blog? After several months I realized that the ONLY time I cooked/baked was for the blog. That wasn't going to work out in the long run.

The same applies here. In case it's not abundantly clear yet, I love Halloween. However, to say I had Halloween burnout this year is an understatement. My Halloween decorations (which are typically taken care of in the way one would take care of a treasured family heirloom) were taken down, and literally thrown into piles that were 4-5 ft high in places. They were left out on my back patio from 11/1-the last week of December. Burnout. Too much.

We won't even get into the depressing amount of weight I have gained over the last 3 months after doing great with health & fitness for 6 months. Burnout!

So, this will just be my "life" blog, as cheesy as that sounds. Crafting, vacation planning, Halloween, DIY projects around the house, the ongoing saga of my attempt to overhaul the health & fitness part of my life, and hell-maybe even a recipe or two will make an appearance. I am going to leave the name because I will always be a crazy Halloween lady. Also, I am too lazy to change everything over to a new blog.